“There is a difference between knowing the truth about the character of God, and trusting the character of God.”

Her piercing words hung suspended in the warm fall air between us as we sat on the steps of my college dorm. We had just finished shooting pictures of Anna when our conversation turned to events of this past year that have deeply impacted us.

For me, the last year has held its fair share of hurts and painful experiences that have not changed God’s character, but that have changed my perception of His love and have, at times, caused me to doubt that His character is trustworthy.

It is easy to know that God is good, but goodness gracious, some days it is so very hard to trust His goodness.

Now, maybe I am the only one.

Perhaps I am the only person caught in the cycle of hurt and doubt and broken trust. Perhaps I am the only one who has placed every ounce of my trust in the Lord, only to have Him seemingly let me down. Perhaps I am the only struggling soul on this earth who pleads with God to answer, yet only hears the deafening echo of silence in response to my heartfelt pleas.

Maybe it truly is just me.

But maybe not. Perhaps you too feel this hurt, this hollowness, this hope unfulfilled. You know the truth but the waiting and the wanting and the wondering have left you hurting and helpless and hopeless.

Maybe trusting is hard for you too.

Perhaps your heart feels a little burned and battered and busted up. Perhaps the pursuit of holy in the daily mess of life has left you feeling forgotten instead of filled, bruised instead of brave, and lost instead of loved. Perhaps, instead of boldly approaching the throne of grace, trusting in the goodness and faithfulness of the One who is holy, you whisper prayers with trembling lips and tear-filled eyes and quavering knees and fear that your one plea is being wholly ignored.

Where we were once bold we are now broken. Life’s circumstances have taken us on a ride we never dreamed or imagined. Our circumstances changed and our testimonies turned and our stories are somehow shaken up and we have no idea if they will ever return to simple, to safe, to steady.

But in the midst of the mess, one thing has stood firm and unchanging.

The character of God.

The events around us took a turn for crazy and life was lived right in front of our eyes and the sorrows were just as pointed and painful as arrows tearing through the flesh of our hearts. But even though the earth shook and our hearts cried soul-splitting sobs and our hopes and dreams became unrecognizable as circumstances played out on the stages of our lives, the Lord never shifted. He stood steady, solid, secure. And as we wipe the tears from our eyes and clear the rubble we begin to see that to not trust His character is to doubt the only thing that will never fail us. The brokenness blinded our eyes and the hurts hid our hearts from the truth:

He never moved.

My heart is learning this lesson. I am learning to place my trust in the One who does not move. I am learning that a place of complete trust and surrender is the only place I am truly safe. My circumstances do not convey His care for me; instead, trust in Him transcends my trials.

Hurts will come as I walk through this life. There is no denying that. However, I can rest my soul and stake my claim on the unwavering foundation of the Lord’s character and on the truth that He will never move. This past year has taught me this one thing:

I can live fearlessly, trusting in the character of God.

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Psalm 46:1-3 // God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.